Thursday, September 21, 2006


And what do I do. I sit beside you and turn the pages.
Diminuendo then sudden fortissimo—
I know where I am in the world by loudness alone.
-Robert Kelley, "Mapping"

My life feels more chaotic than usual. I am ineffectually trying to please everybody and I'm failing miserably. Or maybe, it's actually because I'm focusing more on pleasing the people around me that I forgot that the "I" exists.

Fools think they can have it all. I did.

I love my friends, I love my guy, I love my family and somewhere in between these three, my love for my work/s exist as well.

But to find time for all of these without sacrificing something or someone is an awfully hard enterprise.

I will do something for myself, by myself...soon.

Before I self-destruct again.

And yes, consuming alcohol will not make it easier.

But its hard to stay away from it.

Somebody call AA.


Here's my horoscope for the day as per Yahoo! Astrology:

"Don't get so caught up in giving that you cut yourself off from your own feelings. The problem is that self-sacrifice can be gratifying in so many ways -- so much so that you risk making it an unhealthy habit."

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