Saturday, June 30, 2007

Empty (erica jong)

Empty
by Erica Mann Jong

Every month,
the reminder of emptiness
so that you are tuned
to your bodyharp,
strung out on the harpsichord
of all your nerves
& hammered bloody blue
as the crushed fingersof the woman pianist
beaten by her jealous lover.
Who is she?
Someone I invented for this poem,
Someone I imagined.....Never mind,
She is me, you~tied to the bodybeat,
fainting on the rack of blood
moving to the metronome~empty, empty, empty.
No use.
The blood is thicker
than the roots of trees,
more persistent than my poetry,
more baroque than her bruised music.
It gilds the sky about the Virgin's head.
It turns the lilies white.
Try to run:the blood still follows you.
Swear off children,
seek a quite roomto practice your preludes & fuges.
Under the piano,the blood accumulates;
eventually it floats you both away.
Give in.
Babies cry & music is your life.
Darling, you were born to bleed
or rock.
& the heart breaks
either way.

- - -

Not something that we planned for now but still, a welcomed blessing.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Transfomers

My four brothers (aged 37-31) still keeps 'em in a little brown shoebox stored in a cabinet.
The last time I saw them brought it out was just a few weeks ago and just like that, I saw four gangly boys who used to stay riveted on the TV every Saturday morning because it's TRANSFORMERS time!

I've never seen this excitement emanate from my brother's generation, not even with Superman or Spiderman or X-men film adaptations.

Transformers is the ultimate hero of an 80's kid.

Having watched the highly anticipated movie last night, I'd say it was worth the wait.

I saw people whose age ranges from 25 above literally shiver in anticipation. Heck my boyfriend kept on punching my arm every 5 minutes.

Michael Bay is a maniac. It's like watching Black Hawk Down all over again. That Megan Fox is hot, so is Tyrese and Josh Duhamel. =).

And Optimus Prime? Oh, man.


But my favorite hands down is still Bumblebee. He's puny and funny and he tugged at my heartstrings. =)



And as always, Megatron and his Decepticons are mean, mean, mean!



But that's okay. Atleast they weren't a bunch of wimpy villains like, say, the Silver Surfer? (smirk).

Bring back the 80's.

How about some She-ra or He-man?

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Artsy Fartsy

I've never been the artsy-fartsy type. I've always assumed that I've only been a fartsy but I used to tell people that maybe if I've lived in the 60's or 70's, I might've never reached the age of 23. But I would have wanted to live and die during that time.

And I would have wanted to stay here.

That's the Chelsea Hotel.

Sid stabbed Nancy. De Beauvoir and Sartre cavorted here. Ginsberg. Kerouac. Cohen. Joplin. The Warhol superstars. Even Gaby Hoffman was born here.

I hope that the planned renovation won't kill the spirits that linger there.

Such a shame.


Monday, June 25, 2007

Wedding Jitters

Feh. I'd say the hell with it. I don't need that grand wedding. I'm a medium-rare Monica Geller when it comes to planning, but I just don't want to waste what little money we have saved for a 'party.' Even if it is our own wedding. I never even bothered to celebrate my 18th birthday.

A few weeks ago, I think I suffered from what they call pre-wedding jitters. Sure, it was all exciting to talk about it with girlfriends...deciding the entourage...arguing about the themes and motiff..scouring the web for the ultimate wedding resources. We've even gone to a food tasting or two trying to decide on a caterer.


When suddenly, I started to feel constricted whenever I see pristine, white wedding gowns. When I imagine myself walk down the aisle, I literally feel the old ball and chain clanging and banging ominously behind me. The excitement was gone. The ambivalence kicked back in. Forever seems like a very long time. We have only been together for roughly a year and some months.

I still get horribly insecure sometimes.

And we just can't, can't, can't break away form this financial struggle that we have both gotten ourselves into. Pointing fingers seems so easy. The guilt was admitted. In the end, no matter how hard it was, it's both our lives together now. I guess Ardee was right when he said how lucky I am that I got to experience these things with someone, and somehow emerge stronger and better.

Still.

Many nights we just sit down on the cold hard stone steps, exchanging sips of 22oz Gulp. Sometimes talking, sometimes not. I'd watch him puff his cigarettes and sometimes I really wish he'd quit. But then I won't bother because we still have our whole lifetime to battle that one out. We'd sip hot macaroni soup from Jollibee at wee hours. We talk a lot. But we do run out of things to say and when it happens, we enjoy the silence. We think of dogs running around in our apartment. Naked ______ (we're still negotiating the day but I'm partial to Thursday). Huge breakfast every Saturday morning. Boring for some, exciting for us. But it is so enough. I would not want anything else.

Screw the big wedding. Really. I've got everything that I will ever need.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Ho-Hum

I'd be back, when I'm ready.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Someone To Watch Over Me

Someone To Watch Over Me
(ella fitzgerald)

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There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet
He’s the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I’d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There’s a somebody I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me

I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who’ll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

(bridge)

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Weekday Dramarama

Weekday Dramarama

i'm scared of getting hurt and loving you so much, in itself, is painful already.

is the main pic of my blog an omen? perhaps i should change it to something more cheerful.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

UGH

Wish-wish

2007 is NOT a good year for my health.

For the third time this week, I was rushed to the ER (which I think I should start calling my second home) because of severe pain when urinating. I've had cases of UTI before which was treated by antibiotics but this time the pain was really excruciating that my mom had to bring me to the hospital.

I'm still under observation and medication...Will also undergo ultrasound and creatinine...They suspect gall stones which I believe is a way for punishing me for all the amount of sodium I ingested in the last few years...

from LabtestOnline:

A combination of blood and urine creatinine levels may be used to calculate a creatinine clearance. This measures how effectively your kidneys are filtering small molecules like creatinine out of your blood. Urine creatinine may also be used with a variety of other urine tests as a sort of correction factor. Since it is produced and removed at a relatively constant rate, the amount of urine creatinine can be compared to the amount of the other substance (such as protein) being measured.

I'll know in a week or two.

I need a portalet. I'm frigging peeing every three minutes. I've peed enough for the next month. Ugh.

Be kind to your kidney and gall bladders: salt is not a viand. =(

Thursday, June 07, 2007

I Love Janis Joplin!

I LOVE JANIS JOPLIN!

Summertime

(janis joplin)



Summertime, time, time,
Child, the livings easy.
Fish are jumping out
And the cotton, lord,
Cottons high, lord, so high.

Your daddys rich
And your ma is so good-looking, baby.
Shes looking good now,
Hush, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby,
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, dont you cry.
Aahhhh!

One of these mornings
Youre gonna rise, rise up singing,
Youre gonna spread your wings,
Child, and take, take to the sky,
Lord, the sky.

Until that morning
Honey, n-n-nothings going to harm you now,
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Dont you cry,
Dont you cry,
Cry.



Piece of My Heart

(Come on…)
Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man, well yeah,
An' didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can ?
Honey, you know I did!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough,
But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.

I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby, (break a..)
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah. (have a..)
Hey! Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.
You know you got it if it makes you feel good,
Oh yes indeed.

You're out on the streets looking good, and baby,
Deep down in your heart I guess you know that it ain't right,
Never never never never never never never hear me when I cry at night.
Baby, I cry all the time!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I can't stand the pain,
But when you hold me in your arms, I'll sing it once again.

I'll say come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a..)
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah, (come on…)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.
Well, You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good

Guitar

I need you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a…)
Break another little bit of my heart, darling, yeah. (have a)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it (waaaaahhh)
Take a…Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. (break a…)
Break another little bit of my heart, and darling, yeah yeah (have a)
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Life is crazy.