1:30 am -----> My ops manager informed me that i was suspended, without pay, indefinitely. A few minutes later, I was bawling, especially when I realized that it WAS my fault why I got suspended. Mark said, i should take care of myslef. READ: I need to find a job pronto.
2:00 am -----> At the pantry, waiting for my officemate to log out for lunch. Sent an email to my Freefall friends informing them of the terrible tragedy. Trying hard not to cry.
2:30 am -----> Lunch with my (former) officemates at McDonald's People Support. Rehashing..lamentations...pat on the back...words of encouragement...
4:00 am -----> Back at condo, continued to sob my heart out.
5:30 am -----> Phoebe called, offering a position at his/her current company. Cried some more.
6:00 am- 10:00 am -----> Text messages from friends (Jhamie, Karen)..Cried some more. Karen said she'll accoampany me to the Eiga Sai, 5 pm and 8 pm screening. Cried some more.
12:00 pm -----> Jolina Magdangal presscon, Hard Rock Cafe. So not in the mood to cover this event. Sorry about this Jay.
3:00 pm -----> Entered Cinema 3 of Shang, watched the last 30 minutes of "First Love" and fell asleep.
4:00-5:00 pm -----> Wandered around Powerbooks, killing time. Tried, in vain, to hook up with someone. I really wasn't in the mood.
5:30 pm -----> Karen arrived, ate popcorn, and we basically hated "Swimming Upstream"
-----> Karen bought Tori Amos' Piece by Piece and let me borrow it for the weekend. (--i love you so much--)
-----> Jhamie texted, her presentation was cancelled so she can go with us on the 8 pm screening but Monyat texted and because of what happened, we have to regroup at Kebab's.
9:00 pm -----> Dinner at Kebab's...Joi...Monyat...Ryan...Moi...Jhamie...Karen....
10:00 pm -----> Had a talk with Bopeep, received more awful news. Cried again.
Just hang out with Freefall until 1 am, then we decided to call it quits and retire.
Morning -----> Trudged off to People Support and applied for a job. Passed the preliminaries, was scheduled for an exam.
Evening -----> Met my big brother at Hard Rock so they can submit their samples for Manager Ricky.
Passed the exam for PS and was scheduled for the final interview the following Monday.
Slept for what seemed like 15 hours
12:30 pm - 6:30 pm -----> Watched the Eiga Sai with Karen, Jhamie, Ryan, and Lea
7:00 pm - 12:00 am -----> Hung out at the condo, ate Mi Goreng and tons of chocolates (courtesy of lea)...Gave some advice to Apolz who was having some marital problems.
9am - onwards -----> Applied at Ayala Systems the whole day. Around 2:30 pm, i signed the job offer and cancelled my 3pm appointment at People Support. So at this I point, I already have a job. Yay!
-----> Slept the whole day again, did not meet Bopeep.
Absolutely zero funds...
Met Bopeep at night, borrowed some dow from Rj
and finally I went home to Valenzuela.
And that's where I'm at for the past 4 days.
Drowning myself in the comforts of my mom's cooking, Sims2, lots of American Idol, Friends, and the latest season of CSI.
I'll be reporting for work on Monday, but until then, I'd be a COUCH POTATO.
"Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Fuckin' real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Ennis! So what we got now is Brokeback Mountain! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, fuckin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short fucking leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude fucks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Ennis, you sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you."
from "Brokeback Mountain"
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Brother no. 4 was passing by and upon seeing my latest entry....
Brother no 4: Uy..Brokeback Mountain. Napanood mo na ba 'yan?
Moi: Hindi pa nga eh. Sayang hindi palabas sa SM Valenzuela.
Brother no 4: Meron tayong DVD diyan.
Moi: Ow, talaga? Malinaw.
Brother no 4: Oo malinaw. text ko si Loresh.
Moi: (nasally) Okaay!
Brother no 4: Puro kabadingan 'yan eh.
Moi: Okay lang naman eh...nabasa ko yung short story, touching naman.
Brother no 4: Dalawang cowboy kase 'yan...(muttering to himself while walking away from me).
Earlier that day...Brother no 3 was reading the newspaper... (FYI: Brother no 3 walks in an advertising agency and Marlboro is one of the accounts that he handles)
Brother no 3: 'Tang-ina 'tong Marlboro, nagpa-cinema ad sa Brokeback Mountain hindi nila alam na puro kabadingan 'to...(Shakes his head in disgust).
- - - - - - - -
It is such a shame that I have homophobic brothers.
There is something so terribly unknowable about him. The pool of enigma that surrounds him is one that is utterly impenetratable that when I lifted my finger and touched him, only harmless ripples trailed in his wake.
(Happy Valentines all!)
- - -
"I tell myself it's not the fall. Falling doesn't hurt... it's when you stop." - John Constantine; Sandman #3
(written on the 5th of February)
So I tried answering calls in a clipped tone laced with a haughty British accent. Not at all my usual syrupy, singsong voice in a distinct and an almost-too-cheerful American accent.
I chose to have lunch at 11pm instead of 9 pm as scheduled so that I will only have to take calls for less than a couple of hours.
I will go home, wash my face, brush my teeth and then sleep. I may have some errands to do tomorrow. Some deadlines that need to be written.
Before I know it, I'll be waking up to the 7pm alarm (preternally set), take a bath, eat dinner, and pack my lunch before I set off for work again.
This will be the inane cycle that I will follow as it runs its course.
The pattern, yes the pattern.
I'd run through the pattern like the raindrops that I trace with my fingertips against the glass windows until I had discerned that the beginning and end had met such as the cruel twist of the Mobius strip.