Blocked

Okay, I'll establish this. Money, I have none.

Deadlines, now those I have a lot.

It's just so damn hard to write.

And I thought being paid to do it to will make it easier.

One of the worst blocks I've had in awhile.

I need to go somewhere where I can be in a four-wall enlosure, with Tori Amos on the CD player (on the repeat all mode), lots of caffeine, and a PC.

- - -

I've had a hilarious time with Ardee last Friday.

Sabi nga ni Sharon Lim (an officemate), we were on a rampage dun pa lang sa Dencio's where we were celebrating Will's (another officemate) birthday.

We've only had two bottles, at nag-share pa kame pero nung papunta na kameng Marikina, everything was so messed up, in a funny way.

It involved a text message that wasn't supposed to be sent and a very meaningful discussion about office chess and checkers. (you really had to be there)

And once we got to Starbucks at BlueWave, it just got a bit crazier.

Then from there, Jay picked us up then we headed to Sta. Lucia because Jay had to meet someone at Odyssey.

Once we got to Fazoli's at Eastwood (Jay was treating us to our Post Awit Awards celebratory dinner...thanks, man! It was da bomb!)...I thought it couldn't get anymore crazier but it did.

Just ask ardee and the parmesan cheese container.

At around 11pm though, we were too wiped out so after a brief tambay at Starbucks, I just had to call it a night.

I slept for a measly five hours because I had to check if we will get our salary because Boa and I were to take my nephew out so I was texting everybody I know to find out if the salary was credited. And, fortunately it was so I had to meet Monyat's uncle at North Ave to get our money, and then by the time I was back at Makati, I only had enough time to take a bath and dry my hair before Boa and I met.

We had to go home at Valenzuela to pick up Louie, and for Boa to finally be able to meet my mom. Which he did.

I didn't know who was more nervous, my mom or him.

It was funny seeing how uncomfortable the situation was for them.

My mom really outdid herself and she cooked a hell of a seafood feast!

I was touched that she went to all the trouble and prepared something special for Boa because we were supposed to eat out for lunch but we ended up stuffing ourselves with tahong, shrimp, crablets, and my mom's mean menudo (nice alliteration here).

Boa, has always been the silent type...so if you ask questions, he answers that's it.

But mom liked him, I think, because he ate all of the food she prepared and he liked it so much he's already asking me if I could cook the same stuff for him. (Which is when hell freezes over, my mom's talent for cooking skipped my generation so its only freeze, thaw, and fry for me.) Pero dagdag pogi points yun sa mom ko.

My mom...you just have to love and appreciate her cooking and she'll love you right back. She has no qualms preparing huge amounts of food if me or my brothers have some people over.


My nephew, on the other hand, is another matter to deal with. Medyo nagulat siya kase nga Boa is a really big guy, with long hair, goatee and all and that's the first time that he's seen me with someone like Boa so Motti had been territorial around me. I guess he didn't like his tita having another 'baby' other than himself. He was so shy around Boa that he can't look at him in the face pero Boa was amused kase Motti was trying to scope him up by looking at him discreetly tapos if he catches Boa looking, magpapatay-malisya tapos iirapan siya.

Weird kid.


So what we did when we got to Megamall was to have him play with other kids at the play area so he will loosen up and try to warm up to Boa.


Grabe this kid was smart! We had to bribe him with a Thomas and Friends train, and a few mechanical car rides, and a Happy Meal for him to finally interact willingly with Boa.


It was so sweet though that when we were on our way home, Motti chose to sit between us and within a few minutes, K. O. na siya and he slept on Boa's arms.


Bad trip nga lang yung travel time kase it was raining really, really hard and apparently Tullahan got flooded up and they closed McArthur Highway and we had to go by the NLEX route to be able to go home. Boa and I were so tired by the time we arrived at Valenzuela. We spent about 700 pesos on cab ride alone. If you can imagine that.


But my nephew had fun. That's all that matters.

Tapos sabi niya sakin, when Boa was out of earshot, "Ota, nice siya. Can I call him tito?"

Aww. So sweet right?

Ayun, while I was printing Boa's resume and doing some stuff, they were both hanging around at the sala and playing GameCube. Sobrang ayaw nang layuan ni Motti si Boa. Check out the photos that I was taking of them.

By the time we headed back to Makati via another cab ride, we were both so tired we slept for half a day ata.

Tapos Sunday afternoon naman, we splurged on DVD's that we were planning to watch for the next week and we bought the FRIENDS Season 1-10 DVD collection.

Gosh.

That's 120 hours of Joey lovin'!!!

We were able to find Battle Royale (blood and gore galore, yeah!) and Bound (it's not all about lesbianism, okay!).

Haay. What a weekend.

Still, I do hope to finish all my deadlines this week.

*aargh*

Wheels

You said destiny was blind. Well, didn't you mean love? It's 'Love is blind'. That's the saying, isn't it?"

SANDMAN, "Brief Lives"

Salot ba ako?

First there was Makoy.

Now its Boa.

I don't think seeing someone at work is a good idea for me.

Siguro nga may balat lang talaga ako.

Or I'm never meant to date people that I work with.

I feel so bad for him though.

All of us that is close to him did.

And we tried so hard to keep him, but its all for naught.

I've been bending over backwards the last few days just trying to cheer him up and I'm proud of him because he'd been a real trooper about it.

I can't help but remember when I was fired 5 months ago. And when I thought life really sucked big time, my friends and family were there to make me realize that sometimes the world doesn't suck at all. (smirks)

And now its my turn to help someone that I love.

I just wish it'll be enough for him to get by.

Seducing My Muse

shedding light on what has been going on these past few weeks.

i know that i've written enough entries to let y'all know that i'm undergoing a break up...which is kinda getting old now, i know.

well the break up didn't culminate.

decided to give it another go.

WE may make it or we may not, but at least we tried eh?

celebrated a whole lot of birthdays this month.

a few writing assignments here and there.

a few big ones are coming up...you might want to check out the 'others' section of my blog.

may change (again) my lay out soon.

missing some of my friends who have been quite incommunicado.

i really hope to get my act together soon and start writing for a change instead of whining.

the muse has (temporarily) left the room. and wooing her has never been this hard.

Tulog Na

TULOG NA (Sugarfree)

Tulog na mahal ko
Hayaan na muna natin ang mundong ito
Lika na, tulog na tayo.
Tulog na mahal ko
Wag kang lumuha, malambot ang iyong kama
Saka na mamroblema

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya, hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Kung matulog, matulog ka na...

Tulog na mahal ko
Nandito lang akong bahala sa iyo
Sige na, tulog na muna
Tulog na mahal ko
At baka bukas ngingiti ka sa wakas
At sabay natin haharapin ang mundo

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya, hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Kung matulog, matulog ka na...

Hanggang makatulog ka

love you, b.
i'm here.
don't worry, it'll be okay.

Nihil

Sometimes...there are so many empty hours and I'm having a hard time filling up this space.

That's the hardest part.

Missing him.

Someday I'd have to move on, but let me just give myself this time to drown.

Or wrap the noose around my neck.

Just let me feel how it feels like to die in death instead of dying while attempting to go through the motions of life at the same time.

I hate being incoherent. Even the words are escaping me. Maybe there's nothing left to say for now.

Maybe I'll just stay in the fetal position so I will hear my stomache eating my heart.

Fleet-footed

I had a very busy weekend. Where do I begin? It involves three birthday parties, lots of alchohol, seafood, and msg in a blanket...everything is still in a blur...wait.

Breakdown (M.C)

*ooppss..walang kokontra...ilang araw/linggo lang 'to. okay na'ko ulit.*

Breakdown

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but you're just not in love
Imediately I pretended to be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was OK
to just walk away from the thing
That's unyielding and scared to me

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile gradually I'm dying
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry

So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't
got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say: "How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry

Finish Line

I will be leaving him soon. He doesn't know it yet. But I know. I can feel my heart rebelling at the mere thought of it. But the decision had already been made. In fact, as I am writing this, the decision is slowly being acted upon. Still I feel my heart breaking. Which is better because it's mine and I'm the one breaking it. It would not be him who would shatter it, even if he wouldn't be able to help it. I'll do it myself, to myself before he can do it to me. No point blaming other people in this.

Envy

Okay fine i admit, nainggit ako sa bagong layout ng blog ni Jhamie, kaya nagpalit din ako. =p.

Hindi ko nga lang maayos yung Halo-Scan nito...hindi equipped yung layout. Eh well, may tag-board naman eh.

A Warning

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

-C. S. Lewis

I think the quote above says what I cannot shout out loud.

Be wary.

I am expecting a slew of "i-told-you-so's"

It would be okay if only I could cry, but they've crystallized at the corners of my eyes.

Atleast I've been happy with this little sliver of happiness that I've been given.

And Mark said, 'savor every moment while it lasts.'

And now it has run out.

But I'm not yet done savoring it.