Addict

And what do I do. I sit beside you and turn the pages.
Diminuendo then sudden fortissimo—
I know where I am in the world by loudness alone.

-Robert Kelley, "Mapping"

My life feels more chaotic than usual. I am ineffectually trying to please everybody and I'm failing miserably. Or maybe, it's actually because I'm focusing more on pleasing the people around me that I forgot that the "I" exists.

Fools think they can have it all. I did.

I love my friends, I love my guy, I love my family and somewhere in between these three, my love for my work/s exist as well.

But to find time for all of these without sacrificing something or someone is an awfully hard enterprise.

I will do something for myself, by myself...soon.

Before I self-destruct again.

And yes, consuming alcohol will not make it easier.

But its hard to stay away from it.

Somebody call AA.

POSTSCRIPT:

Here's my horoscope for the day as per Yahoo! Astrology:

"Don't get so caught up in giving that you cut yourself off from your own feelings. The problem is that self-sacrifice can be gratifying in so many ways -- so much so that you risk making it an unhealthy habit."