Love's Labours (Part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

Warning: Post may contain icky stuff about bodily functions. If you have a weak stomach, just read the first two installments and stop there. =).

Despite their supposed sterility, any hospital is unnerving and scary and being wheeled alone inside the delivery room brought me to new levels of anxiety. As if I wasn't anxious enough already.

Routine questions were done and for the nth time, I submitted my self to another pap smear which induced another gush of fluid that I never thought had inside me. They told me that I'm already 4 cm dilated.

Holy crap, how can you go from 1 cm to 4 cm in a span of a few hours? Oh yeah, I spent the entire afternoon walking around Robinson's Galleria against my doctor's advice.

By this time, labor was imminent. They asked routine questions, took my vitals, and I had to repeat at least 3x times that I'm allergic to mefenamic acid, aspirin, and ibuprofen. I had a quick chat with my OB over the phone and she instructed me to discreetly take the four pills that she handed me earlier that day.

I slapped on some scrubs, was shaved in about 5 seconds and it would be the last time that I would ever see someone familiar---for the next 15 hours anyway. I handed over my stuff to my mom and brother and swallowed the pills. I would have loved to kiss my husband but he was over at the admitting section so I reluctantly went back in.

Back at the delivery room, there were three of us preggo awaiting labor and despite the nasty cramps that I was feeling every few minutes, I managed to get chatty with one of the nurses whose ex had the same last name was mine. I got hooked up on an IV and was actually stating to enjoy watching the ongoings at the DR when the cramps have started to really, really rear its frigging ugly head. Women are really familiar with this pre-menstrual syndrome- it's like there's a really big pendulum swinging at the pit of your stomach and you're not sure if you want to poop or not. That was what I was feeling, multiplied by 10!

The next few minutes was really crucial because those were the last thing I remember before I would wake up about 12 hours later. The pain had become excruciating, never felt any pain like it (but I was completely wrong because real pain would come 12 hours later!).

I remember asking an attendant, a nurse, or a doctor or whomever if I can go to the restroom to take a dump because I needed to go really bad but she just shushed me and asked to lie down. So I tried getting up and repeated my request, and the people in the room completely ignored me. So my voice got louder and I was on the verge on becoming hysterical. I kept on saying that they need to let me go to the comfort room and then I felt my eyes getting heavy and then that's it.

I woke up 12 hours later, the big bulge that I've been carrying on my stomach for 9 months was gone but that pain in the middle part of my body was still there.

What happened during that 12 hours would forever remain a mystery. I was actually unconscious when I went on labor and gave birth!!! Those four pills were sedatives. My frigging doctor drugged me and I missed the whole birthing experience.

I had mixed feelings about this. My theory is that she wanted to help me have a hassle and pain free labor which I totally appreciate but at least she could've asked me first if I wanted that. And the post natal pain was so unbearable anyway that it wouldn't have made a difference if I did that pant-pant-blow-push schtick. Even my baby's APGAR score was affected because we were both knocked out. He only got a 6/10 on his first test because he was sleeping and unresponsive.

I wish it could have been done differently. I wouldn't have minded the pain. Heck I've spent the last 9 months prepping myself up for that and what I got instead was a 12-hour gap i my memory. It was just so anti-climactic. I was deprived of my Johnson and Johnson's First-Few-Minutes-After-Birth moment.

Okay, lesson learned, next time don't just swallow those small, or any pills for that matter without asking the doctor. That's it. Deep breath, let go. I know better now.

- - -

Pain. Pain. Pain. Women will always have the monopoly on pain. Physical pain, emotional pain...it doesn't matter. Pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood contains all facets of pain imaginable. Some women can take it. Some claim that all pain was worth it once they see their child for the first time. They sure can take it and I applaud them for that. I didn't expect my experience to be like that. I struggled with ambivalence a few times during my pregnancy. I admit that it was hard for me to fully abdicate any control over my body even when I knew that nature would run its course and that choice wasn't mine to make. As I've said in my previous post, I fell in love with my kid gradually. Maybe all the Earth-Goddess type woman who reads this may hiss at me in anger and disappointment but from the get go I never kidded myself that I'll experience all the mushiness that I see on baby commercials. Wolf kicking inside me was a wonderful experience but the real deal was when I held him, and fed him, and changed his dirty diapers and washing his soiled clothes and seeing the goofy expressions on his face that he can't quite control yet. I am getting to know my son each day as a little person with his own personality, and I fall in love with him more and more each day. And I'm glad that NOW I am experiencing the wonders of motherhood despite pesky annoyances like waking up in the middle of the night

Anyways, waking up half a day later is not a picnic. I was roused from a groggy sleep by a young resident, attendant, nurse or whatever named Philip. He woke me up by asking me if I knew someone named (totally forgot who but someone who had been my agent before) since I was working at Medicall.

He was asking me questions about Medicall while I was trying to get my bearing when I suddenly got a jolt and remembered where I was. I immediately touched my tummy and to my shock it was noticeably flatter. Not totally flat but the 9 month old bump was definitely gone. I weakly asked him if I'd already given birth and he said yes. I saw the clock and the time was 3:30 pm. I was stumped...where did the last 12 hours went? Tried as I might to recapture any bit of memory when I've given birth but it was all blank. I don't know anything. That's how powerful those little pills were.

And then it kicked in. My episiotomy had let its presence known and it was painful. And it's not all, the frigging catheter attached to me was also painful. It was so painful that crying doesn't matter anymore. I asked for some painkillers but Philip is not having any of it. So I spent an hour and a half moaning and trashing in pain alternately cursing my husband and wishing to see him at the same time and longing, longing to know anything about that 5.12 pounds of human flesh that I delivered.

My OB-Gyne arrived at around 5:30 pm to check on my stitches (it hurt). I was pronounced okay and ready to be roomed in. I was anticipating to see my little boy but my OB told me that I'm not supposed to sit up and walk until 8 pm.

Delgado Hospital was jam packed that day (it was the day before the Chinese New Year and a lot of preggos want to give birth on the 7th) so we were given a semi-private room while waiting for the next available private room.

I was wheeled in the tiny room and my mom, my 4th brother, my mother in law and sister in law and of course, the main perpetrator of this dramarama, my husband were there and giving me various looks of pity and concern. See, this is what I looked like:


There. That should give you nightmares (or the heebie-jeebies) for the next couple of days.

I'm still groggy at this point so I can't remember much but my husband told me that I sorta cursed him while I was transferred into the bed. It was half his fault that I'm in pain so I think he deserved what I said. But really, could you stay mad at this sweetness?


So all was forgiven. And it was a different experience for him, being on the other side of the room. But that's his story to tell. =).

I was excited to see my son but the nursery won't be open for a few hours and I'm not supposed to walk, much less, sit so my husband showed me our son's first ever photograph:

Did I cry? My husband said I got teary eyed for a moment but then again that must have been because of the pain. But the universe had already shifted for me at that moment.

There's my SON, in the flesh. And he definitely didn't get his nose from me.

And then the nurse came in and handed me the other one thing that I've been wanting to see--painkillers.

The nursery was open by then and all my visitors came rushing out to see Wolf. i wasn't supposed to stand up yet but by 8pm I should be a free (wo)man. So the moment that the clock struck 8, pain be damned, I asked for a wheelchair and demanded to be brought to my son.

The hospital had a policy wherein the mommy can visit the nursery to breastfeed her baby anytime 24/7 so I took advantage of that. I sneaked in our digicam, and here's the first time that I held my son:



Aah...such bliss. This is actually a bit of my DNA that I'm holding in my arms. Still in a state of awe until now as I write this.

But we weren't home free yet. We weren't able to have Wolf roomed in as planned. he had to undergo phototherapy because of ABO Incompatibility. More moments of anxiety-we had to leave him at the nursery for a day more to ensure that his jaundice won't worsen.

I felt so bad for my husband. He was aching to hold our son. Fortunately, a nice nurse named Josie at the nursery had allowed my husband to spend a minute to see and touch our son at the doorway of the nursery.

So when Wolf was discharged a day later, my husband had declared that he'll carry our son on the way home from the hospital.


On the way home, my breasts had started leaking so as soon as we got home, I was on full breastfeeding mode and amazingly, after a few tries my baby was expertly feeding off me.

This venture called motherhood is on full steam ahead.

The first week had been exhausting as expected. There were a lot of cranky moments and my perineum stitches weren't helping at all. I was raring to be a full hands on mommy that I forgot that my body wasn't up to it yet and needed time to heal. So I had to rely on my mom if my husband wasn't around and I'm grateful that I'm getting all the help that I can get.

Motherhood is a shared responsibility too that's why I don't take shit from husband when it's his turn to feed the baby or change his dirty diapers or rock him to sleep. Lucky for me, my husband is a pretty responsible human being who is fully aware of his responsibilities. I try to cut him some slack because I know he has to go to work at the same time. We are in serious need of bonding time too, all our energies are focused on the baby right now. We would work on it.

Did I experience post-partum depression? I think I might've have, I just didn't notice. Of course I was exhausted, and there was a period of bitchiness (mostly directed at my husband) but I think we're both adjusting well. We just have to turn the selfishness off for a little while since there is that little someone wholly dependent on us. The feeling of isolation after my husband had gone back to work and my mom had to stay over at Antipolo was so intense that for my post-partum check up I was literally panting at the new, huge billboards over at EDSA on the way to the doctor's.

Wolf is a month and a half old now. He is starting to coo, and smile and giggle and we're loving every day that we witness his developments.

And for the thank you portion of this tale, everybody from our officemates, our friends, my in-laws (all two of them..hehe), and my family had been wonderful in sharing this experience with us. We are grateful for making our child feel so welcomed in this world.

And thanks too for reading this very long post from me.

Capisce!

Love's Labours (Part 2)

For the first part of this chronicle, please click here

Sunday and Monday (February 3rd and 4th)...

..Went by without dramas. Like a good patient, I was on bed rest most of the time and the bloody discharges have ceased. I was feeling optimistic, as long as my baby wouldn't be born on Valentine's. Imagine sharing your birthday with someone as annoying as Kris Aquino-well that was mostly the father's sentiments. I just wanted to deliver safely as much as possible. Also I was glad that there was a big chance that my dad would get to see his 5th grandson before he leaves on the 16th.

So while on bed rest, we did what do best. And clean your dirty little minds. All we did was took photos of ourselves:

Tuesday, February 5th

Off we went to Dra's clinic for our check up. I was again up for the dreaded internal exam. Dra agreed that I was indeed a centimeter dilated but whatever that was thick in my cervix four days ago was now thin. I could pop my baby out anytime. She did a whole lot of calculating and informed me that February 12 was my safe mark. If I could just be on complete bed rest from then until the 12, then my baby would reach his semi-full term (37th week). But if not...then labor here I come. The doctor gave a whole lot of instructions on what should I do, which became useless because I pretty much forgot half of the things she said. She handed me a pre-admittance form and 4 small pills.

She instructed me to take the pills secretly should I go on labor. The fool that I am nodded and said yes, not realizing the real purpose and potency of those four small pills.

After the check up, mom and dad picked us up to have lunch at Tramway Garden Buffet and to meet up with Ate Let and Jason (my third brother's punk).

There was heavy traffic on the way to Tramway (which was just a block away from Delgado) which we attributed to the lunch time rush hour but when we got there, it turned out that that Union Bank in front of Tramway was robbed not more than 15 minutes before we got there.

Ergo, the large crowd and various news vans and camera man and heavily armed guards.

And the the robbers threw a grenade across the street to facilitate their escape...

...which happened to be right beside Tramway Garden.

But hungry stomach always prevails and I've already started whining about low blood sugar so off we went despite the drama right outside the glass doors. Note: I do get really cranky if I'm really hungry. Ask my husband.

Here's my third brother's Spongebob-loving, boisterous, and mischievous little punk.

We looove watermelons. =).

Dad meets his fourth grandson for the first time. And he'll be meeting the 5th a day after this.

After that sumptuous lunch, Dad had to do stuff at the POEA and we decided to tag along to do some last minute baby shopping at Robinson's Galleria while they were doing their thing at POEA.

This is where everything started unraveling. Remember that bit where my doctor said that I should be on bed rest? Well that's the one thing I didn't do since we were shopping. I didn't know that a couple of hours walking would trigger labor a few hours later.

When we got home, I didn't rest on the bed. I packed our hospital bad to prepare for the inevitable and slept at around 11 pm.

Wednesday, February 6th

At around 12 am, I got up and emptied my bladder. When I returned to bed, my uterus started to cramp...like dysmenorrhea TIMES TEN! I woke my husband to tell him about it, and he wanted to go to the hospital pronto. I tried to grin and bear it for awhile and told him that I would pop an Isoxilan and I should be fine. But when I shifted position, there was a sudden gush of fluid between my legs. I got up again thinking that I needed to pee again when I noticed that my panty liner was really soaked with water...and blood.

And my legs turned to jelly and ran back to my husband and told him that I had a suspicion that my water bag had broken. He got up and informed my fourth brother who was just about to go to sleep. And my brother woke my mother and informed her as well.

Since our bag was already packed, my husband just threw on some clothes and we got into the car and went to the hospital.

En route to the hospital, I started texting messages to friends to keep my mind off the cramping pains that I'm feeling. First time I've seen my mom got tensed up, by the way. Hubby and I tried to engaged in small talk, but I guess he was tense too. And my brother, who was driving, was also feeling a wee bit tensed. I guess I'm the only one not tensed but I'm also the only one in pain. Hehe.

Upon arriving at Delgado, I was immediately whisked off to the Delivery Room.

to be continued....

Love's Labours (Part 1)

Mastitis hurts. And I'm still lacking a sum total of 8 hours of sleep, a full meal and a good, long and warm bath.

But let me chronicle first the days and hours before I became this:


Saturday, February 2nd.

I was on shift when the so-called 'nesting phase' kicked in. Only I didn't realize it then. I suddenly had the urge to clean out my office PC and organize my emails and clean my workstation (I think I was even licking clean my keyboards and mouse. =p) before my maternity leave which would've started on the 18th. I was due to give birth on the 24th, remember? Little did I know that my punk had other ideas brewing on his little brain while biding his time inside me.

Anyways, I was so busy doing so many things that I forgot to monitor my baby's movement all throughout the day. By 9 pm, I became really worried because I haven't felt any strong kick at all or if he did, I just didn't notice at all kase busy-busyhan ako sa office. My husband and I were lying on the bed trying to nudge the little guy for any movement at all. I texted my OB, the intimidating and tough (but sweet and caring on the inside) Dra. Olivia Ocampo of Delgado Hospital about my baby's lack of movement. Her lack of reply 30 minutes later intensified my worry, it was threatening to become a full-fledged panic. Now don't berate my OB for not replying. It was all my fault, which I belatedly realize 3 days later-I copied down her phone number wrong.

My chubby-hubby and I immediately dressed up and hailed a cab and went to the nearest hospital, which was Makati Medical Center and went into the ER.

We had an unpleasant experience before at Makati Med so my husband was really reluctant to go there. I just found out then that I was pregnant and was experiencing bleeding and after being subjected to poking and probing and internal exam, when we were paying our bill they wrote 'threatened abortion' as my diagnosis without really explaining it all to us. And for first time (may be even second or third time) expecting parents, those were the last words that you would ever want to hear. But since Delgado was at least an hour's drive away and we were really panicking at that point, Makati Med was only place to go.

As soon as they took my vitals at the Triage, I was whisked off to the delivery room where I was hooked up to a Fetal Non-Stress Test machine. The little heart was beating, and after 15 minutes, I felt lots of movement and relieved, I was just about ready to go home. When the residents noticed, based on the chart, that I was having contractions 10 minutes apart.

With the help of an internal exam, they informed me that I was already 1 cm dilated but something in my cervix was still thick. But still, they emphasized that I could give birth any time soon.

My poor husband had no idea of what's going on since I forgot to sneak in my cell phone inside the DR, and as soon as I got out I told him the what happened but he was still skeptical about my diagnosis (talagang bad trip siya sa Makati Med) so we opted to wait for my scheduled check up which was three days away.

Sunday, wee hour in the morning, February 3

We got home, informed my mother-in-law of what happened and prepared to go to bed. It had been an exhausting night after all. I went to the bathroom to pee when I saw a lot of bloody discharge on my pantyliner. I called my husband and after staring at the gooey mess for a full minute, we both decided to call Dra. Ocampo first thing in the morning.

It dawned on me that I could actually give birth way ahead of schedule so I was thinking more of the work that I would suddenly leave behind unexpectedly. My husband and I had a long talk and we both decided that regardless of Dra's prognosis, I would start my maternity leave, pronto. I texted Rowald and Chris that I would use my sick leaves on Sunday and Monday and that I would confirm if I should use up all my remaining SL or file my ML after my Tuesday check up.

I was sleeping fitfully, I was expecting to give birth any time that night and my husband had been checking my butt every hour on the hour to see if my water bag had broke. I already texted a whole lot of people on my phone book about my situation and I received a lot of good luck messages which really warmed my heart.

My husband decided to file for an emergency leave and we called up Dra. Ocampo at around 10am and told her what happened. She also scoffed at the diagnosis, and told me that she would rather see me first but since I'm dilated already she advised me to have a full bed rest and increased my intake of Isoxilan, a uterine relaxant. She told me that should I follow her advice, I would reach the full term of my pregnancy.

Again, more major decisions were discussed and one of them was to pack up immediately and evacuate to Valenzuela, where I would supposedly stay the week before my estimated due date.
After informing my mom of our plans, we hastily packed all the stuff that we would need for the next few days at least and my husband would just return for the rest of the stuff on his rest days.

to be continued....